Glamouria - “C’est Un Peu Grâce à Moi,” Said Men In My Life! By Hayat Ammouri

It’s funny how every time you achieve something, no matter how small or big it is, the man in your life relates it to him because he was there for you or because he did something for you…

This is at least my experience… When I was in my twenties, the man in my life was very proud of the woman I became, which is "a little thanks to him,” he said¦ I was just reading the note now. One I didn’t know I kept. The message was sweet, except for that sentence.

In my fourties, when I was proud of a major achievement in my life, my ex (another one)- also told me that it was a little thanks to him! How??? (Notice how both said A LITTLE thanks to me, not a lot, a little!) I had done everything by myself, I didn’t even speak about the whole thing during the process… and then for him to link it to something he had contributed to?? Explain how, please.

I honestly think every little achievement I accomplished was thanks to me, myself and I! I never had a boss who helped me achieve my goals or give me things for free.. and by things I mean payments, positions, or “wassta”. Honestly, nothing. It was the opposite! I had to fight for every project I believed in, try harder, or get offers from competitive companies to get a promotion or a raise where I worked.

I did not have a boyfriend/ husband who supported my career or stood by me or even defended me when I lost my job because of him. When I had a dream, my ex did not support me to achieve it, because he wanted me to stay at home: “I don’t want her to work.” These are his exact words to my friend. Why? Insecurity possibly, who knows?! I do have to admit, though, that he always encouraged me to do something from home, you know these jobs that probably pay you $15 an hour maybe to answer calls from home without having to mix with the outside world! But I will not blame him either for my not fulfilling all my dreams. I took the decision to be with my daughters while they were growing up. I tried to balance my passion and motherhood. I was and still am a single mom, taking care of my daughters and raising them alone- with no family around me (except for the 3 years that I lived in Lebanon with them). You think life becomes easier as your children grow up, and you will have more time to do your own things. It is not the case. Still, no regrets! I am grateful for every second I got to spend with them, witnessing their every move and growth and smiles… Everything in their lives. 

I did do my part-time job with my daughters close to me. I traveled with 2 kids to fashion weeks (thank you, Désirée and Katia). I did nurse my 6-month-old baby at Bryant Park. I also pushed a stroller and carried it on the stairs in Milano when I had to get in a show with my baby on my lap (my baby cried at the beginning of the show, and I am still mortified till this second. Sorry Ferragamo!)

The more I think of it, the more I notice how men in my life were more of a hindrance, an obstacle (except for my therapist). When I needed support in my life, my family and girlfriends stood by me and helped me, listened to me for hours. It was never The Man In My Life. When I left another job later in life, my daughters stood by my decision and encouraged me. My eldest let me know she believed in me and wrote me a note saying “to reach for the stars”…

We become who we are thanks to ourselves, our experiences, and, most importantly, our mistakes and how we react to them. I am who I am today thanks to my family and the values they gave me, to my girlfriends who were always by my side, and my daughters, who teach me to be strong and believe in myself every day.

Always believe in yourself. If you have a man to support you and be there for you while achieving your dreams, good. But even when this is the case, remember, it’s you, always you!